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This Is my rabble page, where I rabble. No offense to anyone by what I may say!!
Sooo......today, a day of nothingness, working on site and chilling. Gonna go watch Darkman and have a shower!!! Can't wait for fireworks tomorrow!! Woo hoo, Luke's cooking Chicken Curry, hmm, smells yummy. So, nite nite all x x
6th Nov..Been fireworks, was great!!! Gotta flashing purple star thingy!! Really enjoyed even thou only had one hour sleep!!! Nightie nite, gonna watch Red Dwarf, bitta telly, hav a drink n sleep, ah, sleep x x
9th Nov, It's meant to be getting better, yet it just seems to be getting worse. I feel so hopeless n no one can help me.
10th Nov, think my craziness has subsided a bit. Feel all lost thou, no cuddles for me tonite. My Myra's gone back to London, so no cheering up either. But I hav work to focus on n so getting my life sorted? I hope!?....
11th Nov feel all bizarre, like there's something missing for me tonite. I wanna do stuff but my heads all heavy. I dreamt bout coming home, in my 2 hours of sleep, last nite. Kelly, Myra...come home. I miss u. All I hav to snuggle is my Stitch, who's fuzzy n that, but still feel kinda....empty, not uhappy....empty. Hmmm, should have bought some alcohol. Dammit!!
12th, feel too icky to write anymore, it's gone 12, so gonna watch the last bit of Conan n then settle down. Hmmm x x
14th, Myra n Kelly are back!!! YAY!!! Sodding pissed off thou. Fucking, sodding, bleedin wanker.
15th, So a day of shopping, bloody webcam! Me n Luke got loadsa food thou, finally, had some fun in Toy'r'us, now home. Starting on the whole fun of Xmas shopping. But soooo poor, not good. Oh well, the sooner the better. So if anyone wants something particular....email me while I still hav some pennies!! x xCome back from The Grudge, was very wierd. Not as scary as I thought but still pretty good. The whole crackling noise thing was quite freaky!! Bit calmer after being told wot I can and cant put on my website, because of someone. If u don't like what I hav to say, then don't read it! You know who you are. Anyway, gonna chill now, hav uni tomorro. x x
19th Done loads of Christmas shopping, got all the girlies stuff!! Luke's being a PEST!! Anyway, back to the TV and the amazing amount of work I have to do!! Have a HUGE pile of Christmas pressies!! Feel kinda Christmassy x x
22nd, So loads more Christmas shopping done, loadsa tinsel up too!! Just gotta get on wit all my uni work now, FUN FUN FUN x x
28th Been ages since I wrote, been so busy wit uni work! Awww, I'm in sooo much pain. Hate femiminess, gonna go see the Incredibles soon, can't wait, love Disney. Although the bastards aint gonna do anymore 2D animations!!!! NOOOOOO! Ouch, pain. Saw Bridget Jones last week, hmmm, twas ok. Had some funny bits. Luke's playing Xmen and I'm dying.
2nd, The Incredibles was great! Really funny, Machine head were fantastic, thank u ur sexiness for a couple of really fun nights, looking forward to more soon!! Hmm, had some bad moments recently, so now I feel kinda happy n kinda lost n lonely too. Oh well, anyway, I'm gonna crawl back in bed til the girls drag me out to do some washing. The fun that my life is!!! 9/10th Dec. So nothing to report this week....hopefully goin piccies with Kellymoo tomorro, love you Kelly! Terrifed about Christmas, wish I could just sleep it away...sooo ill n all but hopefully be better tomoz. Guna hav to try n sleep... hmmm. Nitie nite, looking forward to seeing all u peoples, how much I miss u all!!! Cath, Darren, Robin, Tsung, Lauren, Tonus, Alex, Milbsy, Chris, Dean, El, Pete, Hen, Vix, Marc, Tom n the rest of ya! Wanna go home now :( x x 29th, so its good to be back, I think. Realised just how much people mean to me n how lucky I am by everyone who looked after me on monday, thank you!! Didnt know I could worry you guys like that, thank you. Especially for the whole carrying me thing! Thank you Luke for always looking out for me, no matter what. I'll make it up to you one day. Also bad things thou, lost a friend of mine, cos of the whole shitness of things. I'm so sorry, I wish I could stop you feeling that way. And a silly mistake I nearly made, oh well. Also regrets. I hate that, things I should've done, oh well. Chances come and go, twas my own gutlessness. And Jamie, I wish I could know wot I could do to make it right, guess we can just never be friends, which makes me sad. Christmas was ok, got some nice pressies, nice to be with my family cos I never realised how much I could miss u guys, especially Matthew, didnt realise how much of a man you're becoming!!!! Love ya x x 5th, so been a strange week. Monday, hmm, yet another frined lost, I just can't understand y anymore. I think people can get feelings of bein really good friends with someone confused with feeling more sometimes. I hope we do sort it out hou, cos he's really important to me. As well as that, some bloody bastards spiked my drink we reckon, juries out as to yet who, but hav some suspicions. Hmm. Hollywoods was ok, shame everyody went home so soon n the music was shit. Was wierd to think it was the last i'll b goin to for a while. Was ok thou, not too bad. Had some random girl tell me I was the most gorgeous girl in the club!! How great is that! She wasn't even trying it on or anything she just randomly said it! Well, that's made my year, *ego exploding*. Well bye for now, hav to try n sort out everythng for uni. 27th jan. Back now, had a nice day on my birthday, had a chinese meal wit my family hehe, was fun, I love my little bro, think I mite steal him n make him live wit me. Was good to see everyone, mum was an angel. Thank you sooo much!! Friday was bit of a disaster, kinda went a bit wrong n there was lots of arguin. I cried on the coach in front of loadsa people, hmmm, I hate that I still cry so much. Jimbo was great, he's so cool and was good to get to know him a bit better, thank you Sam, Dean, El, Jimbo and Jay for comin much appreciated!! Saw Electra which was cool, not as good as expected, but stil cool then I stayed til tues so I could meet up wit the Caff n see her, cos I miss her so much. Tues was good from wot I can remember, I hate the fact I alwasy end up drinkin so much that I can never remember anything. Damn, I woke up happy so hopefully I had a good nite, kinda confused bout somethin but I'm sure I'm gettin mixed up. So now feel kinda low, just want everythin to go rite, for once. Hmm, back to my shit load of artwork I hav to do, fingers crossed for tomorro. Love everyone that is soooo good to me, thank u. Darren, i'm gonna miss u so much when u move, hope it all goes well x x
28th jan, sittin in a room with no light, Luke's asleep in my bed n I feel ill, my heads all confused with wot to do bout everythin, I know wot I want, I think. But i'm never gonna get it, n I cant stop my brain from analysisin n analysisin everythin til it makes my head explode. I hate this all.
30th jan, went out last nite, had fun. Jimbo's sooo cool, had a boogie n lots to drink. Was good til we had to go home n some bloody wankers started on Luke for no reason at all, fuckin pathetic!! Then one of them punched him in the face when he wasn't really lookin n ran off!!!! It mite b stupid but I was taught differently, if u fight u bloddy fight u dont hit someone then run off before they cab get back up, how lame is that. Fuckin losers, its not just me bein protective over Luke, is the principle of the whole thing, am I wrong. Jeez sometimes I wish I was a bloke just so I could sort out cunts like that!! MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL. Enough ranting, Luke just got up n was like, "wot the hell was that?!" poor muffin, wish they'd stayed, he would've bloody sorted them out! 3 on one, oooh how brave they are, balls the size of peanuts. Chicken Bollox hehehe, other than that the nite was good, missed work though! Slept through all my alarms n woke up at 4! I'm sooo gonna get sacked. Thanx to El n leon for lookin after me when I got upset, just the whole violence of the thing brought back so many memories of bad things, plus the drink made me go all silly!! Anyway, think I need to sleep now, n Luke's moaning at me that I type too loud. x x 31st, having a bad day, my bulb has gone n i'm sittin in a pitch black room. Luke's asleep stil i feel sooo lonely and sorry for myself. I want my daddy.......how sad is that... 1st, Luke cooked me chicken tonite, yummy. He's bein a sweetie today. Glad he's here n looking after me. I think I need to learn to appreciate the good things I hav more. Watched Fist of the north star, was cool. Watching CSI, sooo bored. Kinda looking forward to goin home. x Its 2.44 and I cant sleep, just watched this film called bitter moon. Made me think a lot, reminded me of my own relationships, it was really wierd!! 3rd, Gettin soo sick of red lines!! Back's hurtin too, meh, at least i'm doin me work. Had chinese, on the whole pretty dull day, but I'm oki n not down, just chilled. 10th, sooo worn out, but was worthi it so far. Was good to see peps at Rammstein, Kerry, Kay, Rich n me little bro n robbie. Wish i'd actually spoken to the Finnish dude, but oh well. Think I mite collapse soon, cant wait for it be start gettin easier, ah damn. Hmm, need to eat methinks.
11th , lies, screw them. At least it lets me think bout my life i suppose, everyday I feel like mayb I am gettin a bit stronger n mayb I can sort myself out, its just so hard without all the people that were there last time n helped e through everything. I dont know where i'd b without them. Now I feel like there isnt really anyone I can rely on, my flat mates are great but I feel bad loaded them up with my problems all the time. Hmm, oh well. I wanted to come to uni n change how my life was n actually b happy. Nothin really seems to hav changed, I keep givin out chances n hopin it gets better, is it worth it anymore? I dont know. I wish I just knew wot to do about everything. Mayb one day, mayb. 14th, feel so lonely today, I had so many different friends in the past, now I feel like I have no one left. Where did everyone go? Or did I lose them all myself by the things that I do?
15th, Just dunno wot to do anymore, I feel like I have nothing to hope for!! I'm meant to have tablets to stop these feelings but I kust wanna sit in a corner n just whither away. I dont even know wot is making me feel like this, I just feel like I've done the best I can n now there's nothing left for me. Y? People always say that "you're so young you have your life ahead of you", fair enough but what exactly is goin to b different by then? I counted the scars on my legs this morning n I counted twenty four, that was so long ago that was my way of feeling better but now I dont wanna drink n I just dunno wot to do with myself when I feel down, I cant even go n talk to my doctor. I think maybe I'll paint, paint it all away. I know I'll probably get kicked out of uni soon, I dunno how I feel bout that either, whether I kinda do wanna come home. Ick. Help me
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